Stop for a moment
The first stone was thrown in the water. Sometimes life reminds you that you can put away your plan. Actually, I planned to figure out what will be the topics what I’ ll write about in the next posts and the next step would be to research more about the picked topic and to share with you my experience.
However, I got a colon inflammation and had to stay in the hospital for a few days. Fever and diarrhea were my companions for the last couple of days. Tiredness and boredom came up as well.
And this thought…why this happen now to me and why now? My states or feelings were unclarity, helplessness and negation. I denied my state and didn’t want to be in the hospital.
What I found out?
I had to reach this point. Sure, on one hand it was bad luck, but on the other hand it was also a sign… a waking call. I’m unhappy with my current life. Professionally, I want to do something else, something that fulfills me more and personally I feel lonely. It would be great to be in a relationship. But how to get there? I tried to find an answer in a book.
Last year in New York I bought the book from Louise Hay “You can heal your life”. She made a list of all diseases which are in correlation to common thoughts. Under colitis/colon I found the following cause:
“Insecurity. Represents the ease of letting go of that which is over.”
I was impressed. I’m a person who has difficulties of letting go and the last couple of days I thought about the past more than ever. Maybe, this was pure coincidence, however for me it was a proof that I must go deep inside and let go the past.
I’m really lucky that I “only” had a colitis, it could be even worse. Nevertheless, enough for me to show me that my work starts inside of me. I’m cleaning out people of my life, cleaning out my closet, cleaning out restrictive believes and my thoughts not only about my life, especially about myself.
In conclusion, my work starts with being honest to myself. Find out who I don’t want to be and where I want to get, and the next step is the plan. Which actions I’ll make? Stay tuned…
When I lied in the hospital I saw on television a video of a little boy, who was going to primary school and the whole way he was repeating: “I’m blessed, I’m smart, I can do anything 😊”…it melted my heart and it shows that this world is beautiful.
Until the next reading…
Duska
